Hey Y’all,

We are not a traditional couple by any means. I do, however, always look up the traditional and modern symbols for milestone wedding anniversaries. The traditional symbol for 30 years is pearl, representing hidden beauty, wisdom, honesty, loyalty, and a beauty that builds slowly over time. The modern symbol is diamond, representing strength, endurance, and an unbreakable bond.

As Franklin and I celebrate our 30th Wedding anniversary, we find ourselves back in the place where we started our marriage, the basement of his grandmother’s house. Life has thrown us some unimaginable blows. The one thing, however, that has been consistent is our love and commitment to one another. Regardless of our location, our love blooms and grows. We have raised three incredible young people and are building businesses that we are proud of.

For our 14th anniversary, I started a list of things we had learned over the years. Now, as we celebrate 30 years of marriage, I’m bringing that list full circle. Our story is far from over, but this milestone feels like the perfect time to reflect on the lessons we’ve learned along the way.

So, in honor of 30 years of marriage, here are 30 lessons we’ve learned about love, life, family, and choosing each other through it all.

1. Keep God first!
2. Never say never – I said I never wanted children and then I was bit by the baby bug and here we stand the proud parents of three
3. Over-communicate – Saying you told him/her about the party two weeks ago means nothing. Put it on the family calendar, create an event on Google and FaceBook, send a text, or put a post it note on the fridge listing how many days are left until the event.
4. Pick your battles – If it’s not life-threatening, let it go. Do you want the kids clean and fed or is it more important that the bed is spread?
5. It takes 2 to tango – Intimacy isn’t the responsibility of only one person. If you are in the mood get the party started!
6. Blood IS thicker than water – Although you are happily married into the family, remember where you stand. Don’t talk about the man’s mama and expect life to be easy, sometimes it’s better to agree to disagree and keep it moving than it is to argue about things you can’t change when their family is involved.
7. Marriage = COMPROMISE – Doesn’t matter what topic, you have to compromise on many issues within a marriage. From what’s for dinner to where we’ll live you both have to come to a conclusion that makes everyone happy.
8. You can’t always be right – “Yes Dear” is a line my brother and sister-in-law use often. Sometimes you have to say yes dear and move on. You will not be right all the time (I am, 99.9% of the time of course!)
9. Time-outs are needed – Sometimes from one another and from the kids. Remember that visiting family is not a vacation!
10. Teamwork – When you say I Do, you become partners for better or worse, so work together
11. Never let them see you sweat – I’m not talking about your spouse but your extended family and friends. Nobody should know when you and your spouse are at odds with one another! Keep your issues to yourself or seek professional counseling if you are in need of help. Hearing “well if I were you” doesn’t help anyone because they AREN’T you!
12. What it took to get him/her is the same thing that will help you keep him/her – enough said!
13. No marriage is perfect
14. Don’t assume
15. If you have an issue speak about it, don’t let it fester
16. Be friends and lovers (then you can act like friends with benefits when you role play)
17. Remember why you said “I Do” in the first place.
18. In sickness and health is real. Don’t say it if you don’t really mean it!
19. The kids get older, so make sure you have a relationship outside of the children! Talk about more than homework, housework, and parenting. When they leave, make sure your house is still a home and a place that you always want to return.
20. Laugh together and at each other! Don’t take everything so seriously.
21. Water your own lawn! The saying is the grass is always greener on the other side. Well, that’s because people on the other side are watering their lawn! In this case it’s your marriage. Invest time in your marriage and it will grow and be well nourished.  
22. Know your love language and theirs. It’s important https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
23. We all change. Be ok with it and accept one another at every turn. 21 yr old Mrs. Deveter isn’t the same as 50-something-year-old Mrs. Deveter
24. Grow old together gracefully.
25. Have fun. Marriage should be a life sentence, inclusive of adventures at every turn. Your spouse should be your favorite travel partner.
26. In sickness and in health doesn’t only mean you and your spouse. When you say those vows they include your parents and children. Maintaining a happy home while being caregivers for loved ones is a hard task. But you vowed to do so. Do it with humility, empathy and grace.
27. Starting over at every stage of life is not only acceptable it is a part of life. Be ok with it.
28. Keep dating. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. A quiet walk on the boardwalk is a date. Date night/Date days it doesn’t matter; they are something that every marriage NEEDS.
29. Have the hard conversations. Parents aging and what next steps are is a topic that many of us middle-aged folks take for granted. Have those conversations early.
30. Respect one another.

I am so excited for our next 30 years. I have a feeling that it’s gonna be good!

Until next time,
MUAH!