19 years ago today I was in my early 20’s totally in love with this guy that I dated for 5 years, a recent college graduate (6 months out to be exact) and about to be a bride!!! We didn’t have a fancy wedding, no caterers (thanks Uncle Cornell), no paid wedding planner (thanks Aunt Vonda), no 5 star wedding cake (thanks Ms. Dawn), no professional photographer (thanks guy from college) no videographer (thanks Tony), no catering hall, no upscale cathedral etc. None the less our wedding day was absolutely PERFECT thanks to my mother and countless family and friends. What has been even better than that day, has been the past 19 years of my life.
Today I wish my beloved husband a very happy 19th wedding anniversary. Over the past 19 years I’ve learned some rather useful lessons. Of course I won’t share them all but here are 19 for every year of wedded bliss.
- Never say never – I said I never wanted children and then I was bit by the baby bug and here we stand the proud parents of three
- Over communicate – Saying you told him/her about the party two weeks ago means nothing. Put it on the family calendar, create an event on Google and FaceBook, send a text, tweet or put a post it note on the fridge listing how many days are left until the event.
- Pick your battles – If it’s not life threatening let it go. Do you want the kids clean and feed or is it more important that the bed is spread?
- It takes 2 to tango – Intimacy isn’t the responsibility of only one person. If you are in the mood get the party started!
- Blood IS thicker than water – Although you are happily married into the family remember where you stand. Don’t talk about the man’s mama and expect life to be easy, sometimes it’s better to agree to disagree and keep it moving then it is to argue about things you can’t change when their family is involved.
- Marriage = COMPROMISE – Doesn’t matter what the topic you have to compromise on many issues within a marriage from what’s for dinner to where we’ll live you both have to come to a conclusion that makes everyone happy.
- You can’t always be right – “Yes Dear” is a line my brother and sister in law use often. Sometimes you have to say yes dear and move on. You will not be right all the time (although I am right 99.9% of the time of course!)
- Time outs are needed – Sometimes from one another and from the kids. Remember that visiting family does not a vacation make!
- Team work – As the Wonder Pets say; What’s Gonna Work? Team Work. When you say I Do you become partners for better or worse so work together
- Never let them see you sweat – I’m not talking about your spouse but rather your extended family and friends. Nobody should know when you and your spouse are at odds with one another! Keep your issues to yourself or seek professional counseling if you are in need of help. Hearing “well if I were you” doesn’t help anyone because they AREN’T you!
- What it took to get him/her is the same thing that will help you keep him/her – enough said!
- No marriage is perfect
- Don’t assume
- If you have an issue speak on it, don’t let it fester
- Be friends and lovers (then you can act like friends with benefits when you role play)
- Remember why you said “I Do” in the first place.
- Remember the line ‘for better or worse’ there are going to be some difficult times in your marriage. Every day is not going to be sunshine, loved ones get sick, jobs are lost etc. remember that you promised ‘for better or worse’ that you would stick in there!
- Pray together!
- Your spouse is human. We all make mistakes, be patient and kind.
If you are married I pray your relationship is led by God and that you communicate your likes, dislikes, wants and needs to your spouse. Marriage is work but it is well worth the effort you are putting in.
If you aren’t married please seek God for your mate and remember that you have to be open and honest with yourself about what you want
Until next time…